The year your children turn(ed) 2 and 4 and were completely attached to your hip? All. The. Time. And didn't seem to particularly care for each other (except when you weren't looking...then they seemed to adore each other).
The year you and your spouse continued to commute up to 3 hours a day (each)? And were still working on schedules that gave you only half a day off together each week?
Your job makes changes that have a significant impact on your work/life balance (and not in a good way)?
The year you lost your beloved father, only three years after your mother?
The year your son was diagnosed with autism? And you found out that "having this diagnosis will open up all kinds of resources to help you" is a completely made up line. That if you want to get him any kind of help you're gonna have to fight tooth and nail for it.
What about the year you sadly and reluctantly decide, with your family, that it's best to place your grandmother into memory care? You and your family work hard to find the right place and know it's what's best, but your heart breaks every time you visit because she just begs to go home.
And if, just a month after placing her there, she has a major stroke and has to stay in the hospital and then be transferred to a nursing home, would that make your year harder?
What about the year your grieving family doesn't lean on each other but instead pushes each other away? Would that be the hardest year?
Now, imagine all these things happened in one year. And then imagine, not just in one year, but in half of that one year. How do you think you would manage that?
This has been my year.
I don't do well with "I don't know how you do it". Because honestly, I don't know how I do it either. You just do it, right? I mean, that's all you can do. Life goes on and you have to live it. So you try to be optimistic...negativity just makes you feel sorry for yourself.
So here are the things that make the hardest year more manageable.
My kids love spending time with me. They'd rather spend time with me and the hub than do anything else in the world. What a blessing!!
I like my job. A lot. I love the people I work with and I make a good wage. The changes may impact how much vacation I get, but it means I only work 5 days a week now instead of 6.
There isn't really an optimistic outlook on losing your parents. But I know they're in paradise and that is comforting to me.
We finally have something to explain PB's challenges. We can educate ourselves and employ as many techniques as possible to help him succeed educationally and socially. He has the right parents for that.
My Grammy is safe and well-cared for. She is in the best possible place with attentive caregivers. And she is sooooooooooooooo much closer to me now...I can visit more often!
We were able to get Grammy into a highly desired nursing home where she is receiving important rehab before returning to her memory care home.
Families ebb and flow. If I have learned anything it is that families are dynamic. Grief does crazy things to people and when the fog of that clears a little, I think we'll all have more clarity.
Exercise and date nights with the hub (although few) are what get me through. And I have supported myself through these challenges with constant prayer and a concerted effort to get to church more often. PB loves Sunday school but Baby Brother wants nothing to do with the nursery there. I, for one, love the 90 minutes of worship and reflection and the feeling of renewal I get to face whatever challenge is waiting for me next.
What do you do to get through your hardest times?
No comments:
Post a Comment