Pile It On.

So what happens when you're a working mom?  With an hour commute each way?  Money is tight? A husband in school at night?  Kids at the testing and exploring age?  

You feel maxed out. Exhausted. Always. You rely on your corps of girlfriends but none of them are geographically close enough for an impromptu bitch session so you make due by phone and email. Besides, when do you have time for an impromptu anything?

You pray. Often. And you find yourself singing "Jesus Take the Wheel" in an effort to calm yourself when it really starts to hit the fan. 

And then..............................................

Cancer. 

That dirty, filthy, rotten word. Like you've got room for freakin' cancer in your life?!  

My dad. My hero. Diagnosed about 4 weeks ago with stage 4 lung cancer. Already spread to the liver. 

This has rocked me to my core. Produced every feeling a social worker studies when studying grief. I am devastated. Child-like, I assumed I had at least 20 more years with this man who helped create who I am. 

He is brave. And strong. And enduring the treatment. He is hopeful. For today. I am trying to be there whenever I can, but remember that whole "not having time for an impromptu anything"?  That doesn't change because cancer shows up. 

The hub offers Sunday mornings. My boss offers shortened workdays.  My in-laws offer "anytime". But it's not enough. I want to be there all the time!  I want to be soaking up every second I can with this amazing man. 

The rest of the world keeps going. There are mortgages and bills to be paid so the shortened workdays have to be limited. My boys still need family time on the one "family day" we have each week. My in-laws have a life outside babysitting my kids. 

So, there's the load I am carrying. I am blessed beyond measure to have family and friends help shoulder that load. But it's still a heavy one. I will do what I can and spend time as I can. And pray. I can always pray.