Adding? Or taking away?

So the Hub and I have always talked about having two kids. Well, I have. He's sometimes talked about three (what!?). I originally thought we might start trying for #2 when PB was a year old. And then that time came...PB wasn't sleeping through the night, was still nursing, and had started two different kinds of therapies. Yeah, we waited.

When PB reached 18 months, was sleeping better, eating whatever we set in front of him, and excelling in his therapies, we decided it was time.

We didn't have to try very long before we found ourselves expecting a little baby. We were thrilled and really hopeful this pregnancy would proceed in a much better way than it did with PB (read: no bed rest!).

But not long after that...the fear. The anxiety. The stress.

How could I possibly love another baby as much as I love PB?? How could I possibly love two children equally?? What would PB think? Feel I'd abandoned him for a newer model? Feel rejected????

Tears. I have cried real tears over these questions. And have done a lot of searching. Within and without myself.

It turns out....most moms feel this way!! I'm not alone!! Turns out most moms of 1+ I know have had the exact same fears. Turns out the mothers in my online Birth Board pregnant with their second are having the same thoughts!!

And in searching myself, I realized having a second baby isn't about me anyway. It is about PB. Has been from the start.

I know perfectly well-adjusted only children. Truly. They're not weird or over adultified or socially awkward. They're really good people.

But the truth is...the Hub and I couldn't imagine our lives without our siblings. These sisters that offer advice, plan family functions, watch PB, mediate the grandparents, ground us when we're feeling crazy. These women that know us better than almost anyone else. These extraordinarily important people we may sometimes take for granted because, well, they've always been there. And that's exactly the point. We want to make sure PB always has someone there.

So while adding more to this family sometimes makes me feel like we are taking something away from PB, it's the exact opposite. We're giving him the very most.