Unexpected Side Effect

I knew there would be things about motherhood that I would not know or understand until I was a mother.  I am not so naive to think that I knew everything beforehand.  But one thing I know I didn't expect were some of the side effects of motherhood.

I had a feeling being a mom would have a significant impact on my work.  I wasn't sure exactly how, but I knew I would react differently to the patients and parents I encounter on a daily basis.

I knew that my social life would change simply because children are work and require so much of your time.  But I didn't fully understand that a lot of that would be my choice.  I LOVE being home with my family and that's kind of all I want to do right now. 

But the most unexpected side effect of motherhood for me......has been a new perspective on my mother.

I won't really go into all the gory details but let's just say that my mom and I have had an.............interesting relationship.  I am not sure of it's because we are so different.....or so much alike.  But there have been times when we have disagreed passionately.  

Now knowing first-hand the breadth and depth of a mother's love, I do feel like maybe there are times that I could have been kinder to her.  That a mother loves her children far more than she loves herself and that, in and of itself, would be enough reason to be kinder to someone.  To honor the sacrifice.  To acknowledge the challenges of balancing marriage and career and children.  To thank her for bringing me into this world at all.

I hope that I can be the kind of mother that raises children that will someday look back on their imperfect childhood and realize that every bump in the road helped to create the lives they happily live now.  That the world is not fair or easy and that's ok.  There's no need to panic.  I hope to instill in my children the strength they need to face these challenges and learn from them.

I can see now....that's all she's been trying to do.  I love you, Mom.  Get well SOON.